I almost forgot my password,

so it’s a good thing I use the same one for everything!

Too much going on to catch up.

I’ve been thinking about this article a lot.

The “Daddy’s Girl”

The first time I noticed a girl outwardly claiming to be a “Daddy’s Girl,” I was in high school. This chick wore a tee-shirt announcing, in gold applique cursive, she and her poppa got along well.

In college a fellow classmate wore a gold chain with a “Daddy’s Girl” charm attached.

In the past few weeks, I’ve seen several tattoo-clad ladies, with “DADDY’S GIRL”  splayed across their flesh. 

All of this “Daddy’s Girl” business makes me feel weird and it also makes me uncomfortable when anyone over 12 calls their dad, “daddy.” Let me be clear here. There is a difference between “daaaaddy” and what sounds like “deddy.” Calling your paternal figure “Daddy” is extremely common in the South, and when Southerners say it, it sounds like ”Deddy.” My grandmother, from the South, has forever referred to her parents as Mother and Daddy. I never think that’s strange. That’s like me calling my dad, dad. But, if you are from anywhere other than the South and you call your dad “daddy,” I tend to cringe.

Additionally, there are such things as “daddy’s girls.” That seems to be fine too. If you get along with your Dad – awesome. If you have a special bond with your father – rad. If you prefer your pops over you mom – fabulous. But if you adorn your attire with announcements of your affections, it’s kind of repulsive and sends me into a tizzy of confusion and caution.

The assumption in claiming your “daddy’s girl”-ness, is that you are spoiled and privileged – even if your not. It’s like, “My daddy loves me sooooo much he bought me this tee shirt and Volkswagen Jetta to match.”

Also, in a strange way, it shows you father’s ownership over you. You aren’t your own girl, your daddy’s. 

I can’t try hard enough to establish myself outside of my parents. It’s not that I don’t love and admire and adore my mom and dad, because I do. But, also, I’m trying hard everyday to become my own person. To identify as anyone’s “girl” makes me shiver with fear. Identifying as a “daddy’s girl” would only make me feel young and small.

I cannot ignore the current sexualization of the word “daddy.” If someone my age says, “My Daddy gave me this car,” it freaks me out because I totally interpret this to be sexual. 

I think Freud probably had something to do with this. His popularization and idea of Oedipal relationships between parents and their offspring has sort of leaked into everyday thinking about familial relationships. In fact, there is actually a book, Relative Intimacy: Fathers, Adolescent Daughters and Postwar American Culture by Rachel Devlin, that explores the history of “daddy’s girls” – what it meant then (1920s, 30s, 40s, 50s) and what it means now. (Great article here!)

The most interesting part is what it currently means to be a “daddy’s girl.” Why do girls have this need? And why publicize it? I think Delvin is on the money (pardon the pun) when saying today, being a daddy’s girl is about commercialization. Most girls want their Dads to love them and thus buy them things to show it. If some chick is advertising that this is the relationship she has with her dad – other ladies get jealous, they desire that as well. It’s like any good clothing trend.

I hope this “Daddy’s Girl” attire sticks around as long as parachute pants did, but, something tells me it will be more like the fanny pack, continuously re-invented.

bein’ a beez

So, the truth, I manage a retail store.  I’m learning a lot about management, leadership and myself. I’ve also learned how to be a bitch. It’s like, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I hate when people don’t like me.

I don’t mind if people I don’t like, don’t like me, but it has been hard to deal with people who don’t like me because I’m trying to get things done, don’t like me because I have some kind of authority, don’t like me because I make and enforce rules, don’t like me because I (yes, ME! it’s kind of hilarious, really) am a threat. I suppose I believe they have no basis not to like me, but I have been in their shoes too, and I didn’t like me either. 

So, I’m reading books about being a woman and being a boss. And coming into a situation where I am younger than those I am supervising, where I am “new” yet telling people what to do.

I basically feel like I’m learning how to be a good man.

Reading makes me feel less stupid.

SO, it’s been almost a year after graduation… (yes, I realize that is a major topic of mine as of late, but whatever, it’s what I’m going through at the moment). As I seek to find a vision, I have decided to return to my roots… basically, I’ve been getting back to what gets me going, gets me feeling passionate, makes me want to “move and groove,” if you will.

I’ve been buying (and reading) magazines.

Right after graduation, at the beginning of my job (career?), I would only buy such reading material as People, Us Weekly, and Star Magazine. Maybe I had air of “Fuck you, academia, this is where you got me, so this is what I’m going to read.” For about 4 months, I followed, closely, the goings on of Britney Spears and other falling, failing Hollywood bimbos. Basically, I’ve been feeling as dumb as them.

And then, I had an epiphany at the Borders Mag Rack. While purusing the array of trashy magazine covers, I caught a glimpse of a camel crossing a Chinese desert. First, I thought, “I didn’t know they had camels in China,” and then I thought, “What else don’t I know about China?” So I bought and subsequently read, The Economist. Politics and Economics — two of my faves. Then came Ms. magazine and feminism. And Adbusters, full of media commentary and anti-establishmentness. Perfect.

I’m feeling a little bit smarter these days. And I’m getting to the point of dealing with the big question… “WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?”

A man is preggers… for real!

This article so interesting!

boys, video games, the simpsons & porn

I was listening to my favorite radio show a few weeks back, and the host (a new guy, Ian Punnett) was interviewing a Dr. Richard Sax. I’d never heard of the guy, but found the topic really interesting. Since the show, I’ve been thinking about it pretty much every day.

Dr. Sax was discussing “what’s happening to boys today,” and the book he wrote on the subject, called “Boys Adrift.” His research is driven by the fact that one third of men ages 22 -34 are still living with their parents (Sax attributes this data to the Census Bureau), and their sisters seem to be more successful than ever. And, according to Sax, this data shows these trends occuring across all demographics. Sax says it’s a combination of social and biological factors.

The good Doctor narrowed it down to five main components that are driving the decline of boys (this list is from his Web site):

Video Games. Studies show that some of the most popular video games are disengaging boys from real-world pursuits.

Teaching Methods. Profound changes in the way children are educated have had the unintended consequence of turning many boys off school.

Prescription Drugs. Overuse of medication for ADHD may be causing irreversible damage to the motivational centers in boys’ brains.

Endocrine Disruptors. Environmental estrogens from plastic bottles and food sources may be lowering boys’ testosterone levels, making their bones more brittle and throwing their endocrine systems out of whack.

Devaluation of Masculinity. Shifts in popular culture have transformed the role models of manhood. Forty years ago we had Father Knows Best; today we have The Simpsons.

I think about this a lot in my daily interactions with dudes who act like they would be doing me a favor if I gave them a blow job. It’s insane! Maybe I’m just an old-fashioned, angry,  single lady, or maybe I’m noticing something other people are too. Certainly, this does not apply to ALL guys … I guess it’s just a third of them, or maybe less, because I’m sure there are some decent dudes who still live with M & D.

Charm School

This post has been a long time coming – as the finale of “The Flavor of Love” spin-off aired a few weeks ago. I was just prompted by this post, which was a response to Mo’Nique’s profile in the August 5 edition of the NY Times, to remember my feelings about “Charm School” – and specifically the finale.

At first, I was totally anti-Charm School. To me, the show was disgusting- putting the women from the series “Flavor of Love” back on national TV to degrade themselves and womanhood again. It wasn’t until almost the end of the series that I got it – Charm School was real. With Mo’Nique as the principal, she instilled the tools and confidence in these women, to not make complete asses of themselves on VH-1 and to represent their gender, class, race, age, size (etc…) in an appropriate and fulfilling manner – to not be exploited for entertainment. I think it’s a shame that this true perogative was only evident on the “Reunion Show” – when Mo’Nique spoke some words that made total sense – and made me see the series in different light.

Obviously, this was a show – for entertainment. VH-1 ran the show because they knew people would watch the fighting, the sex, the raunchiness. I just think it’s a little refreshing to see a different agenda – one that was giving these women a chance to change their image and impact the stereotypes of women, women in groups, black women, fat women, skinny women, poor women, rich women.

Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters

Courtney Martin, one of the Feministing girls, recently wrote a book, Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters. She was in Berkeley in June (totally bummed I missed it) and I recently caught this clip of her reading an excerpt from her book:

I’ve been totally self-obsessed lately, critiquing every part of myself: and the way the world sees me, the way I see myself, basically, who I am. (I’m told this is relatively normal at my age?!) Parts of what she read are along the lines of what I’ve been thinking lately. I have a full planner and an axiety disorder - I’m judgemental about myself and forgiving of others – I must get As - I must make money – I must make it look effortless - I get homesick – I am annoyed with this part of myself – I cry when I have serious conversations with my friends – I can never show enough humility – I got passed over for a job – Have I dropped out of the race? – I want a hug – I want to change the world – I want to sleep away the days – I would like to believe I love to be busy – I have no faith – I wish I could believe in a God.

I’m sure if I’m just being melodramatic … bits of this probably hit home with most everyone. It’s interesting, none the less. I would like to hear other’s thoughts!

Buh-bye, Jane.

Jane Magazine will be shutting it’s doors… a.k.a. they will be no more, and neither will their Web site.

Jane, launched ten years ago, touted this feminist-y thing, but, basically totally sucked (see Bitch Magazine’s “Ten Things to Hate about Jane” article). I’m not sad to see them go. Any magazine that says it’s got a feminist message and has Britney Spears on the cover has problems… Jane’s message was corrupt in every sense of the word.  

All I can thank Jane for is a brief dream I once had: as a pre-teen caught up in the struggle that was living in rural Missouri, Jane Magazine inspired my best friend and I to some day start our own (better) magazine. This led to years of interest in media and journalism, especially critique and policy. Jane basically got me thinking about what is wrong with the world, and how I could create a message.

I’m not really a huge fan of Bitch either, but this article, by Bitch’s Editor, is really interesting.

Women and the news.

I have to admit that I am not Katie Couric’s biggest fan. I never really watched the Today Show and I don’t really watch the CBS Evening News. But I need to help a sista’ out.

Last year, Couric made the move from co-hosting NBC’s The Today Show, to singly hosting CBS’s Evening News. It was a widely reported transition, as Couric became the first woman to host such an important news broadcast… journalists like Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather succeeded her.

Ever since Couric’s Evening News take-over, eyes have been on her success at anchoring the important program. And basically, she’s been seen as a failure. Report after report show that the CBS news is rated third, behind rival networks NBC and ABC.

OF COURSE, this is all Couric’s fault… her lack of hard news experience, her inability to manage a news team, and I believe, underneath it all, her woman-ness.

I mean, yes, Couric’s ratings are worse than Rather or Cronkite’s ever were… BUT – let’s not forget, even with those male hosts, CBS News was still rated third. AND – yes, CBS remains third, with dismal ratings, BUT- I bet if anyone would look at the ratings for NBC and ABC’s new broadcasts, they would be lower than ever as well. This is a symptom of the rise of 24-hour news channels and the Internet. Let’s not blame everything on Katie Couric. It’s not a coincidence that she’s a woman and taking all the heat for the fall of Evening News. Shit.