Archive for the philosophy Category

The “Daddy’s Girl”

Posted in family, fashion, feminism, philosophy, sex, society, theory on April 6, 2009 by taylored

The first time I noticed a girl outwardly claiming to be a “Daddy’s Girl,” I was in high school. This chick wore a tee-shirt announcing, in gold applique cursive, she and her poppa got along well.

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In college a fellow classmate wore a gold chain with a “Daddy’s Girl” charm attached.

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In the past few weeks, I’ve seen several tattoo-clad ladies, with “DADDY’S GIRL”  splayed across their flesh. 

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All of this “Daddy’s Girl” business makes me feel weird and it also makes me uncomfortable when anyone over 12 calls their dad, “daddy.” Let me be clear here. There is a difference between “daaaaddy” and what sounds like “deddy.” Calling your paternal figure “Daddy” is extremely common in the South, and when Southerners say it, it sounds like ”Deddy.” My grandmother, from the South, has forever referred to her parents as Mother and Daddy. I never think that’s strange. That’s like me calling my dad, dad. But, if you are from anywhere other than the South and you call your dad “daddy,” I tend to cringe.

Additionally, there are such things as “daddy’s girls.” That seems to be fine too. If you get along with your Dad – awesome. If you have a special bond with your father – rad. If you prefer your pops over you mom – fabulous. But if you adorn your attire with announcements of your affections, it’s kind of repulsive and sends me into a tizzy of confusion and caution.

The assumption in claiming your “daddy’s girl”-ness, is that you are spoiled and privileged – even if your not. It’s like, “My daddy loves me sooooo much he bought me this tee shirt and Volkswagen Jetta to match.”

Also, in a strange way, it shows you father’s ownership over you. You aren’t your own girl, your daddy’s. 

I can’t try hard enough to establish myself outside of my parents. It’s not that I don’t love and admire and adore my mom and dad, because I do. But, also, I’m trying hard everyday to become my own person. To identify as anyone’s “girl” makes me shiver with fear. Identifying as a “daddy’s girl” would only make me feel young and small.

I cannot ignore the current sexualization of the word “daddy.” If someone my age says, “My Daddy gave me this car,” it freaks me out because I totally interpret this to be sexual. 

I think Freud probably had something to do with this. His popularization and idea of Oedipal relationships between parents and their offspring has sort of leaked into everyday thinking about familial relationships. In fact, there is actually a book, Relative Intimacy: Fathers, Adolescent Daughters and Postwar American Culture by Rachel Devlin, that explores the history of “daddy’s girls” – what it meant then (1920s, 30s, 40s, 50s) and what it means now. (Great article here!)

The most interesting part is what it currently means to be a “daddy’s girl.” Why do girls have this need? And why publicize it? I think Delvin is on the money (pardon the pun) when saying today, being a daddy’s girl is about commercialization. Most girls want their Dads to love them and thus buy them things to show it. If some chick is advertising that this is the relationship she has with her dad – other ladies get jealous, they desire that as well. It’s like any good clothing trend.

I hope this “Daddy’s Girl” attire sticks around as long as parachute pants did, but, something tells me it will be more like the fanny pack, continuously re-invented.

boys, video games, the simpsons & porn

Posted in feminism, life, me, philosophy, society, theory on March 7, 2008 by taylored

I was listening to my favorite radio show a few weeks back, and the host (a new guy, Ian Punnett) was interviewing a Dr. Richard Sax. I’d never heard of the guy, but found the topic really interesting. Since the show, I’ve been thinking about it pretty much every day.

Dr. Sax was discussing “what’s happening to boys today,” and the book he wrote on the subject, called “Boys Adrift.” His research is driven by the fact that one third of men ages 22 -34 are still living with their parents (Sax attributes this data to the Census Bureau), and their sisters seem to be more successful than ever. And, according to Sax, this data shows these trends occuring across all demographics. Sax says it’s a combination of social and biological factors.

The good Doctor narrowed it down to five main components that are driving the decline of boys (this list is from his Web site):

Video Games. Studies show that some of the most popular video games are disengaging boys from real-world pursuits.

Teaching Methods. Profound changes in the way children are educated have had the unintended consequence of turning many boys off school.

Prescription Drugs. Overuse of medication for ADHD may be causing irreversible damage to the motivational centers in boys’ brains.

Endocrine Disruptors. Environmental estrogens from plastic bottles and food sources may be lowering boys’ testosterone levels, making their bones more brittle and throwing their endocrine systems out of whack.

Devaluation of Masculinity. Shifts in popular culture have transformed the role models of manhood. Forty years ago we had Father Knows Best; today we have The Simpsons.

I think about this a lot in my daily interactions with dudes who act like they would be doing me a favor if I gave them a blow job. It’s insane! Maybe I’m just an old-fashioned, angry,  single lady, or maybe I’m noticing something other people are too. Certainly, this does not apply to ALL guys … I guess it’s just a third of them, or maybe less, because I’m sure there are some decent dudes who still live with M & D.

semi-modern, i think.

Posted in blog, books, ethics, me, philosophy, politics, society on January 18, 2008 by taylored

I was just thinking, I should change the name of my blog to “A Taylored Stitch, A Semi-Modern Bitch.” Modern is too trendy. I definitely don’t encompass modern. I think I can stand with semi-modern though.

I’ve almost finished the book I’ve been reading since the summer. Well, it’s not like I have been continuously reading it… more like I read it for a week, stopped. And then picked it up a few days ago, and now, I’m almost done with it. This is good for several reasons. One: I can put it back on my room mate’s bookshelf and not be one of her hated “book stealers.” Two: I can read something else now without feeling guilty for not finishing it. And three: it’s a good book and I have learned a lot!

Whenever I have been spotted with said book, I receive much comment from those around me… “You’re reading THAT!…It’s so… conservative.” “I’m surprised you’re reading that.” “Isn’t that like, really, conservative?” “She [the author] is kind of crazy, right?” “How could you read that? It teaches capitalism.”

I was sort of confused by these questions, statements… but continued to read, with encouragement from the roomie. Academia can be so predictable … everyone has the same opinion about a book they’ve never read. And even if it was “conservative” or “capitalistic,” I could still learn a lot.

I won’t give a synopsis of it, because mine would be so drab, and I think Wikipedia does a pretty good job of it.  The book is The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand.

Here’s my favorite part:

“In what act or thought of his has there been a self? What was his aim in life? Greatness – in other people’s eyes. Fame, admiration, envy – all which comes from others. Others dictated his convictions, which he did not hold, but he was satisfied that others believed he held them. Others were his motive power and his prime concern. He didn’t want to be great, but to be thought great. He didn’t want to build, but to be admired as a builder. He borrowed from others in order to make an impression on others.”

Anyone familiar with Ayn Rand, knows her outspoken beliefs on laissez-faire capitalism and individualism. The Fountainhead definitely had these as recurring themes. I didn’t feel as if it were a political tyrade though - more of a really important critique on humanity. I wouldn’t describe myself as a capitalist or an individualist – but I read the above quote as if it were a bible verse for an evangelical christian. I mean, I wrote it in my planner, so I would have it for the whole year, handy. For me, this part wasn’t a political message, but a personal one. It’s what  do everyday: wrap my self-worth up in other’s expectations and ideas of success. Is it individualistic of me to think that sucks? Can I be selfish and selfless at the same time?

“That, precisely, is the deadliness of second-handers. They have no concern for facts, ideas, work. They’re concerned only with people. They don’t ask: ‘Is this true?’ They ask ‘Is this what others think is true?’ Not to judge, but to repeat. Not to do, but to give the impression of doing. Not creation, but show. Not ability, but friendship. Not merit, but pull. What would happen to a world without those who do, think, work, produce?”

Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters

Posted in checking in, college, family, feminism, life, me, missing, philosophy, questions, religion, society, theory, video, work on August 16, 2007 by taylored

Courtney Martin, one of the Feministing girls, recently wrote a book, Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters. She was in Berkeley in June (totally bummed I missed it) and I recently caught this clip of her reading an excerpt from her book:

I’ve been totally self-obsessed lately, critiquing every part of myself: and the way the world sees me, the way I see myself, basically, who I am. (I’m told this is relatively normal at my age?!) Parts of what she read are along the lines of what I’ve been thinking lately. I have a full planner and an axiety disorder - I’m judgemental about myself and forgiving of others – I must get As - I must make money – I must make it look effortless - I get homesick – I am annoyed with this part of myself – I cry when I have serious conversations with my friends – I can never show enough humility – I got passed over for a job – Have I dropped out of the race? – I want a hug – I want to change the world – I want to sleep away the days – I would like to believe I love to be busy – I have no faith – I wish I could believe in a God.

I’m sure if I’m just being melodramatic … bits of this probably hit home with most everyone. It’s interesting, none the less. I would like to hear other’s thoughts!

Rank.

Posted in california, environment, news, philosophy, suburbia on July 10, 2007 by taylored

The garbage in my city (and surrounding towns) has not been picked up for going on three weeks. There has been a lock out of 500 garbage truck drivers since July 2, as Waste Management and Teamsters Union continue talks to preserve the contract that expired last month.

While my liberal self is all for Unions (and I encourage a strike until the contract is renewed) things are getting mighty stinky in these parts. The neighbor’s three week old dirty diapers greet me everytime I walk into my apartment, and it is not pleasant.  It has really got me thinking about the luxuries (like waste disposal, roads, sanitation) that I take for granted.

There is also this new thing that East Bay is ALL about, and that is composting. There are these “Green Bins” that the city has really encouraged it’s residents to use to dispose of not only yard clippings, but food scraps.

Now, as you can imagine, some really raunchy things start to happen after old fruit, meat and bread sits for three weeks in a plastic container in the sun. I have fully supported attempts to go green by ridding plastic bags and bottles out of cities… but urban composting… I just don’t know. I think one of the things about living in a city is that you don’t share the lifestyle of those in the country… like, you cannot ride your horse to the grocery store, you cannot get somewhere without passing through 45 million stop lights, and you cannot compost.

Rotting food in parking lots doesn’t just produce nasty smells, but it attracts maggots, flies and rats. It just ain’t right.

Special Gifts.

Posted in life, me, philosophy, theory on May 28, 2007 by taylored

Beyond the able-bodied human gifts of seeing,hearing, touching, smelling and tasting, I have the privilege of two additional presents from God.

 

I cannot sense spirits or talk to beings in alternative universes but I have a talent for knowing when cops and/or clowns are close.

You see, when driving, I know exactly when to slow down without even looking in the rear view mirror or tracing the horizon for red and blue lights. I just know. I take my foot off the accelerator slightly, until the buggy slows to a speed within 5 miles of the posted limit. And, like magic, a cop appears. Either before me with a radar gun or behind me in a secretive Ford, the cops come out of the woodwork with the need to pull people over. BUT – it’s never me, because of my gift.

My clown sense is similar. I know when one is around and am never surprised (but boastful on how I predicted it) when I see a pink-haired, white-faced person making their way through a crowd.

arm pit.

Posted in answers, news, philosophy, theory, tourism on May 25, 2007 by taylored

When I think of Florida, not only does the shape of the state remind me of an arm, but the general “culture” down there reminds me of an arm pit. (Sorry loved ones in Florida, but you know I only speak the truth).

Florida:

and Florida:

You see, I’ve always sort of thought about Florida like this. The weather is armpitesque, the beaches (well, at least the popular ones) are junky and the people, well,  you know.

I wasn’t surprised to see this story today on Reuters. You see, Florida is (not surprisingly) having a dog-sized rat problem. The African Rat, as it is commonly known, was bred by some idiot and then set free. Now Splinter is threatening crops and is also just really gross. I would post a picture, but I don’t think I can do it. I have an intense fear of rats, and these suckers are no sight I wish to behold everytime I log onto my blog. Just go to the story.

I just have to summarize, that yes, Florida now has mutant species of rats. So add that to the arm pit list.

more on my homosocial self.

Posted in art, college, feminism, history, life, love, me, philosophy, politics, sex, society, theory on May 10, 2007 by taylored

 

 

Homosociality can be described as relationships between people of the same sex that are not sexual in nature. Traditionally, this subject has been discussed on how it relates to relationships between men. Eve Sedgwick formalized the definition as it relates to male characters in nineteenth century British literature. There have been homosocial studies of men in the work place and in sports.  The study of “romantic friendships” between women, and specifically, homosociality as it applies to women, is less researched and written about.

 

Sedgwick claims that the study of relationships between males must be held separate from the study of relationships between females.  Due to the patriarchal power structure of society, homosocial men rely on social forces different from the forces on which homosocial women rely. These variations in social pushes and pulls are not only applicable to sex, but to race, class and age, Sedgwick says.

 

Navigating through a larger lens – exploring friendships in general among women and Lesbian relationships – allows for the availability of a wider discourse on homosocial relationships between women. This is done not only through literature reviews, but in conjunction with the analysis of the varying language used to describe female relationships through time.

 

Researchers have recently begun to delve into qualifying non-sexual relationships between women in history as far back as the Ancient World. Women were seen as a function of men; as having no autonomy, making it difficult to study woman relationships. Women’s sexuality outside of the context of men was repressed and there aren’t many textual sources documenting the Ancient World. Historians have had to rely on images (casts, carvings, reliefs) to analyze women’s relationships with women. The societal pictures of the Ancient world – highly male centered – show that women did spend much time together, a feature of homosociality.                                                                                                                                        

 

The terra cotta knee guard for working wool depicted above shows women preparing for a wedding ceremony in ancient Greece. The artist, Eretria Painter, hoped to depict a “woman’s world” of the period.  Women prepared for marriage and childbirth with other women in a space that was called a gynaikonitis. The scene above exposes this space. Most interestingly, these spaces were used in conjunction with events (marriage, childbirth) that have connotations with a woman’s sexuality, womb and genitals.

Writers have called these ancient situations “homoerotic” and “homosocial” in a broad sweeping assumption. In fact, homosociality and homoeroticism are often used interchangeably when, in actuality, they are two very different concepts. Homoeroticism is defined as atendency for erotic emotions to be centered on a person of the same sex. In homosocial relationships, there are no links to sexuality. In fact, homosociality implies a passionate longing for emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy, without the traditional association of sex and reproduction. The distinction between homoerotic and homosocial is hard to make in the Ancient world, where same-sex sexual relationships were not defined. Historians are in a constant battle to decide whether homosexual relationships happened at all or if they were simply censored. Thus, it is hard to ever know if the seemingly homosocial relationships of the past were actually homosexual.

In the nineteenth century, as a function of the large middle class in the United States, both women and men were encouraged to socialize. Women, however, were seen as having a greater spirituality and higher morals. This element, combined with the time’s social norms surrounding house and child care, created separate spheres for men and women. These separated social circles created several same-sex environments. For example, men worked as cowboys and in mining towns and women, went to school at female academies or worked in factories. It is during this time that researchers are able to find textual recordings of homosocial (questionably homosexual) lives.

 

Research of romantic friendships during the nineteenth century generally focuses on white, middle-class women; their close friendships with women were seen as an acceptable and encouraged part of their social role. Sociologists have explored the components of these women’s relationships by analyzing the letters sent between sets of friends, autograph books, female academy yearbooks, newspapers and journals. The result of this primary document exploration is a classist arrangement of data; it excludes the analysis of romantic friendships among women who could not afford the fore-mentioned means of documenting relationships.

As women began fighting for equality (the suffragist movement of the early 1900s, the feminist movement of the 1960s/70s), it seems that their relationships with other women began to suffer. It is also interesting to note the period of the “sexual revolution,” and its impact on relationships between women. Sexual relationships between people of the same sex were defined (homosexual, gay, lesbian) and large groups of women who supported the advancement of women were labeled as “radical, bra-burning feminists.” Detrimental and stereotypical labels were attached to these definitions. This must have had an impact on women’s friendship… women who shared close bonds with other women didn’t want to be attached with these groups – who were constantly being harassed by a very hetero-normative society. In the case of Mills, student handbooks during this time describe an activist women’s campus but, illicitly state that Mills women are not radical feminists.

 

While is it positive that women have been able to make progress across the board in civil rights, one of the costs of this has been close female friendships. As social environments have become co-ed, climates and social infrastructures dedicated to women have deteriorated.      

During summer breaks from school, I pack up my things, and I head home. Home means I hang out with my guy friends and my guy more-than-friends… in fact, the majority of my activities during the summer are spent with men. It has been shocking when I bring these men back into my school (female) network; they are threatened and silenced by my group of outspoken women friends. To compensate for this, these men make me the other, the weird one, the one who has strange relationships. The closeness of my pure friendships are tainted and made to seem unnatural. The fact that I chose to attend a women’s college makes me either gay or weird or anti-male. Does the nature of my friendships emasculate and threaten men? Do large groups of women intimidate men because they can be a powerful and unstoppable entity? Do my male friends retreat when my feelings toward them seem subordinate to my feelings toward my girl friends?

ethics of compassion.

Posted in advertisements, ethics, life, philosophy, society on February 22, 2007 by taylored

An interesting story (don’t think it’s real, but the message is) from philoshopher Peter Unger

Bob is close to retirement. He has invested most of his savings in a very rare and valuable old car, a Bugatti, which he has not been able to insure. The Bugatti is his pride and joy. In addition to the pleasure he gets from driving and caring for his car, Bob knows that its rising market value means that he will always be able to sell it and live comfortably after retirement. One day when Bob is out for a drive, he parks the Bugatti near the end of a railway siding and goes for a walk up the track. As he does so, he sees that a runaway train, with no one aboard, is running down the railway track. Looking farther down the track, he sees the small figure of a child very likely to be killed by the runaway train. He can’t stop the train and the child is too far away to warn of the danger, but he can throw a switch that will divert the train down the siding where his Bugatti is parked. Then nobody will be killed —but the train will destroy his Bugatti. Thinking of his joy in owning the car and the financial security it represents, Bob decides not to throw the switch. The child is killed. For many years to come, Bob enjoys owning his Bugatti and the financial security it represents.

Bob’s conduct, most of us will immediately respond, was gravely wrong. Unger agrees. But then he reminds us that we, too, have opportunities to save the lives of children. We can give to organizations like UNICEF or Oxfam America. How much would we have to give one of these organizations to have a high probability of saving the life of a child threatened by easily preventable diseases? (I do not believe that children are more worth saving than adults, but since no one can argue that children have brought their poverty on themselves, focusing on them simplifies the issues.) Unger called up some experts and used the information they provided to offer some plausible estimates that include the cost of raising money, administrative expenses and the cost of delivering aid where it is most needed. By his calculation, $200 in donations would help a sickly 2-year-old transform into a healthy 6-year-old —offering safe passage through childhood’s most dangerous years. To show how practical philosophical argument can be, Unger even tells his readers that they can easily donate funds by using their credit card and calling one of these toll-free numbers: (800) 367-5437 for Unicef; (800) 693-2687 for Oxfam America. (http://supportunicef.org/forms/whichcountry2.html for Unicef and http://www.oxfam.org/eng/donate.htm for Oxfam)

Now you, too, have the information you need to save a child’s life. How should you judge yourself if you don’t do it? Think again about Bob and his Bugatti. Bob did not have to look into the eyes of the child he was sacrificing for his own material comfort. The child was a complete stranger to him and too far away to relate to in an intimate, personal way. He did not mislead the child or initiate the chain of events imperiling him. In all these respects, Bob’s situation resembles that of people able but unwilling to donate to overseas aid and differs from Dora’s situation.

If you still think that it was very wrong of Bob not to throw the switch that would have diverted the train and saved the child’s life, then it is hard to see how you could deny that it is also very wrong not to send money to one of the organizations listed above.

Thoughts?