the (sort of) worst

18 Mar

I’ll just be blunt – life after college is not spectacular. I don’t have the job I was planning on. I have no money. I’m more uncertain than I ever was as to what I want to do (with my life).  I have no status (like I was expecting? Yeah, I guess I was expecting status.) I suppose I was thinking I would be set… to retire, like, next year.

It takes a lot for me to get excited about things, now. Which really sucks. I think I was pretty excited about things, like, a year ago. The future was unknown, but exciting. Now, the future just makes me nervous as hell. It feels pointless to make large decisions about life right now, because I have no idea where I am, or where I am going.

I haven’t been creative in months, which I really miss. I do like my job, most days. But, then, on days like yesterday, I’m forced to confront the plans I had a year ago (ran into an old college class mate, at work, in my retail uniform … last time I saw her, I was in regalia, speaking at my graduation), and it gets me all depressed about where I am.

At least, I don’t have homework.

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