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Hey yo 2012

5 Jan

I’ve considered deleting this blog altogether, but it is such a nice, healthy outlet. It’s funny how that parallels my feelings about therapy. Lately, I’ve been considering stopping my weekly runs to see a therapist; but have yet to pull the plug because it’s a positive, mindful place to be. Also, I feel like if I stop going, I’m going to regret it and be screwed into dealing with my anxiety and over-thinking by myself.

Anyway, I digress. Lately, I’ve been thinking about  Starting a Podcast. Podcasting is to radio as blogging is to the opinions page in the newspaper. It’s totally grassroot, mostly free and you can do/say whatever you want. Since I’ve been thinking about starting a podcast, this is what I would talk about in my podcast this week:

The story is these five baby girls were born in 1934, and were the first recorded occurrence of quintuplets surviving infancy. The Canadian government took guardianship of the quints shortly after their birth, claiming their parents unfit to care for the five babies. The government built “Quintland” across the street from the girls’ family home and made the everyday lives of the infants/babies/young adults into a tourist attraction. There were souvenirs and viewing areas at Quintland. The girls were surrounded by scientists, doctors, nurses and the curious public FOR YEARS! At one point, Quintland was more trafficked than Niagara Falls. So basically – the Canadian government profited from their lives. After many years, and a custody battle, the girls were released back to their parents, where they claimed their father sexually abused them (though, later in life, they disputed these allegations). They all moved out of the home at 18 and 2/5 died in early adulthood – one from a stroke and one from a seizure. Another passed away in her 60s from cancer. There are only 2 remaining sisters alive and NO ONE HAS MADE A MOVIE ABOUT THIS! There were a couple television movies from what I can gather, and maybe an old movie, but HELLO! We need to hear/see this story!

  • Nootropics – what are they? do they work?
  • Why am I obsessed with song? FLO RIDA
  • I went antique shopping over the holidays – searching for Christmas presents. It got me thinking about the massive amount of things in the world. So many THINGS. And I love things, but where do they go and what happens to these things. I’m also reading a book, The Hare with the Amber Eyes by Edmund De Waal, which discusses this a bit so far. What is my role in things? Do things have to be tied to consumerism?
  • Upcoming vacation in Hawaii with my sister, who is in Afghanistan right now

Helping me, help myself

4 Apr

After a series of unfortunate events – I have decided to get organized. I’m starting with what I know – lists. I have started keeping several notebooks.

#1

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Budget book. I am actually going to keep track of my money and where it is going. In the past, my expenses have been minimal, so I was able to track $ without actually logging it. This is not the case anymore. Hence, the book. Towards the end of the mini-spiral, I keep a wish list.

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#2

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“Culture” book. A simple moleskine notebook, with three tabs = everything I should read/see/listen to. I created tabs for “BOOKS,” “MUSIC,” and “MOVIES” and I have used this book everyday for the past few weeks. It’s really handy.

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Of course, I’m still listing short-term and long-term goals (lest I forget!). And this weekend … I’m tackling the filing box that I haven’t touched since the summer. It’s time to help me help myself!!!!

Things I feel I need to do:

3 Apr

1. Fold my clothes

2. Clean the Bathroom

3. Register my car

4. Figure out who I am

5. Take a summer class

6. Excercise

7. Figure out what I want to do

8. Go to Grad School

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

7 Aug

Things I miss:

1. Talkboys (and Talkgirls). I never had one, but I always wanted one. I believe they were made popular by Kevin in Home Alone? Correct me if I’m wrong.

2. The game: Hungry, Hungry Hippos. The video I posted a few days ago is what reminded me of this game… I used to love it. I think they still make it too. Just never ending fun! Classic.

3. Radio. I know radio is still around, but, I miss the days when radio was like, really new (for me) and really cool. I remember staying up until 10.3o just to listen to the “Hot 10 at 10” on Kiss 98.5. I used to tape it, and I could never understand how it worked out that I was able to have the songs for free. Times have changed.

I miss you, miss you.

31 Jul

Things I really miss:

1. Pet Nets:

Looked like this:

And when used properly, looked like this:

 

These were so amazing, and a large part of my childhood. It always hung above my bed, I always enjoyed re-arranging the stuffed animals. Lately, as I’ve gotten more into having my own apartment and decorating it – I’ve been thinking about a way to use a Pet Net, without it actually  being a Pet Net. Like – I don’t want to look 7 by having a bunch of furry things smiling down from the corner of my room. But – it’s a good idea… to store stuff in the upper corner of a room.

2. Loveline

 

In the late nineties – as a new teenager – I loved to sneak and watch Loveline. At that point, the radio show that started on Los Angeles airwaves in 1983, was running live on MTV. I could really care less about the hosts, Dr. Drew Pinsky and Adam Carolla, it was all about the “sexy” phone calls – guys with three-inch extremities and girls with mysterious rashes.

As a late teen, after Loveline went from MTV back to radio, my weeknight 10 pm – 12 am hours were spent painting away my teenage angst and listening to strangers broadcasting their relationship and bodily issues. My interest did not lay so much in the callers, but in the hosts (though Adam is a total asshole, he was quite hilarious). The interactions between Drew and Adam and their callers were so funny and entertaining! I was such a hard-core fan, I even bought Dr. Drew’s book, Cracked.

Now, Adam has left, to take Howard Stern’s place in a nation-wide morning broadcast. Dr. Drew still hosts Loveline, with Stryker, though I haven’t listened in a few years.

church.

11 Apr

I find myself at church a few times a year. ALL of my family is Catholic (to varying degrees) so trips home often entail Saturday evening mass. I’ve been baptized, had my first communion and reconciliation. I’ve been confirmed (holler Joan of Arc).

Ok- all of that’s boring. What I’m trying to say is that, I grew up Catholic, attending weekly one-hour masses and going to CCD (Sunday school). What I realized this past Saturday, during a 3 hour (!) Easter Vigil, is that I have no clue how to pray.

 

Here’s how my ritual goes:

  1. Once I have successfully found my place in the wooden pew, surrounded by people too close for comfort – I pull out the little stool and kneel.
  2. I look around at people, who bury their faces in their palms and wonder what they are praying about. Do they address God in their prayer? Who/What do they pray for? Do they pray for same thing every week? If not, how do they remember what they’ve committed to pray for throughout the week?
  3. I fold my hands.
  4. I get side-tracked by my cuticles and finger-nails.
  5. I start picking at them.
  6. Then I say (names will be abbreviated using the first letter of the name), “Dear God, I would like to pray for my Mom, Dad, C., M., Jeb (dog), Chloe (other dog), Junior (bird).”
  7. Then I feel bad for not praying for people outside my immediate family, and feel that if something bad happens to them, it will be my fault for not praying for them. So, “I would also like to pray for N., D., T., L., V., J., D., R., G., P., J., D., E., W., K., L., M., T., L., B., M., R., T., S.”
  8. Then I notice the pile of discarded finger-nail clippings that have accumulated in the pew in front of me. Gross.
  9. All the while, I’m not even sure what “praying for” means… so that gets me mad.
  10. Then come the friends, “L., E., T., J., S., T., J., M., K., R., K., M., H., T., N., B., S., S.”
  11. I realize this is taking a lot of time/energy to remember all these people, and I’m not even sure what the point is.
  12. More family, I had forgot about earlier: “M., S., J., B., R., D., B., P., M., M., K., M., D., S.”
  13. I get distracted by the pain-in-the-ass kid sitting in front of me who is putting her arm up her Mom’s shirt sleeve and snapping her bra.
  14. I pray for myself… that I get through school alright and pass all my exams.
  15. Then I hope I haven’t jinxed myself for praying for it. Then I think that God knows this is important to me, so he’s just going to make it so that I fail so that I learn my lesson and worship him more.                                                                        
  16. Then I get pissed. Really pissed. “Ain’t no one have control over my grades but me, God. Just lay off.”
  17. Then I give up, and heatedly slump back to a seated position in the pew. I spend the rest of the mass mad that I’m even there.
  18. But, I make sure God knows I was for real when I prayed for people, just in case.

Obviously, I have greater problems than just not being able to pray. But, I refuse to believe that I am the only person who finds herself in this situation at church. I would like to learn how to pray… not just for churching, but for meditation, or for addressing that larger idea I know is out there (God? Spirit? Force?). Thanks for reading this… I’m sure it was difficult.

grocery list:

28 Mar

My little brother (he’s 17, much taller than me and an athlete) is coming for a visit in a few days. I just sat down to come up with the food I should buy for his five day stint at my apartment. I asked myself, “What does Mikey eat?” This is what I came up with:

  • cereal
  • gatorade
  • chips
  • popsicles
  • root beer
  • pizza
  • chewy life savers
  • milk duds

Here’s to healthy eating. He would wish for me to add beer to that list as well. We’ll see.